This Blog Has Moved!

Posted by Chui in Feb 06, 2010, under Blog News

Since is a worthless piece of shit, I have moved to a new WordPress blog.

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ECW 1/26/10

Posted by Chui in Feb 06, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, hype for the main event (Christian & Kane vs. Regal & Zeke), ECW open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton are our hosts.

William Regal is already in the ring.  He introduces “the next ECW Champion,” Ezekiel Jackson.  Zeke cuts a promo on Christian.  Christian comes out to retort and makes a Pulp Fiction reference, which makes me happy.  They go back and forth, eventually leading to…

ECW Champion Christian & Kane vs. William Regal & Ezekiel Jackson.  JIP.  Christian and Regal go at it, which is always good times.  The big guys tag in and have their big guy fight.  Christian tags in and tries to out-quick Zeke, but eventually gets caught and powerslammed.  Kane tags in and the bad guys start getting heat on him.  Christian comes in and tries to chop down big Zeke.  Christian hits a missile dropkick for 2, then goes for the Killswitch but fails.  Christian hits his reverse DDT, knocks Regal to the floor, throws Zeke out, and hits a dive out onto them.  Commercial.  Kane tags Christian back in and Zeke throws Christian out of the ring.  Christian brawls with Regal, then gets dropped by Zeke.  The bad guys get heat on Christian.  Kane gets the hot tag and runs wild on Regal.  Kane hits the diving clothesline and goes for the chokeslam, but Zeke interrupts.  Christian tags in and Kane throws him onto Zeke.  Kane and Zeke brawl outside.  Regal counters Christian’s Killswitch and hits an Exploder.  Zeke sends Kane into the steps.  Christian avoids the knee trembler and goes for the Killswitch, but Zeke tags in mid-move and hits his uranage on Christian for the pin in about 18 minutes.  Okay match.

Tonight, The Hurricane, Goldust, and Yoshi Tatsu take on Zack Ryder, Trent Barreta, and Caylen Croft!

Matthews and Saxton hype the Royal Rumble card, followed by the great Rumble “By the numbers” video.

Shelton Benjamin cuts a promo about the Rumble match, but gets jumped midway through by Vance Archer.

Zack Ryder comes out with Rosa Mendez for his match.  They show last week’s incident where Rosa berated Savannah, who was saved by The Hurricane.

Zack Ryder (w/ Rosa Mendez), Trent Barreta, & Caylen Croft vs. The Hurricane, Goldust, & Yoshi Tatsu.  Goldust and Croft start.  Hurricane tags in and gets a near fall on Croft.  Ryder tags in and goes at it with his rival, Hurricane.  Hurricane low bridges Ryder out of the ring.  Ryder and Croft jump in, but get run out by the other faces.  Commercials.  Man, what a long commercial break.  Finally back to action, with Yoshi and Croft having a fine exchange.  Goldust tags in and hammers Croft.  Barreta and Hurricane tag in and go at it.  Hurricane hits a nice hurricanrana (a term I never use, but it fits here).  Barreta bails to avoid the Shining Black, then Hurricane dives on him.  Ryder distracts Hurricane to let the heels get the advantage, then tags in to administer some punishment.  Ryder hits the Rough Ryder, hammer Hurricane some more, and tags in Croft.  Hurricane plays face in peril for a while until he manages to drop Croft with the Shining Black and make the hot tag to Yoshi, who runs wild on Barreta.  Yoshi hits a spinning kick off the top on Barreta, but Ryder saves.  Brief clusterfuck ensues, then Yoshi drops Barreta with another kick for the pin in 14:54.  Good little match to cap off a fun show.

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Friday Night Smackdown! 1/22/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 31, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, “last week on Smackdown” video, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker are our hosts.  Tonight, Vickie Guerrero has ordered John Morrison to take on Chris Jericho & Drew McIntyre in a Handicap Match!

Batista vs. Finlay.  They lock up.  Batista overpowers Finlay.  Batista poses and gets wailed on for his trouble.  Finlay hits a diving dropkick, then a Finlay Roll for 2.  Finlay’s hair is redder than normal.  Finlay sends Batista out of the ring and follows him out.  Batista gouges Finlay’s eyes and gets DQ’d in 1:23.  Batista destroys Finlay after the match, then says he’ll do that to 29 guys at the Royal Rumble.

Tonight, Rey Mysterio calls out the Undertaker!

They show Rey Mysterio eliminating Randy Orton to win the 2006 Royal Rumble.

CM Punk and Luke Gallows come out.  Punk cuts a promo on the way to the ring, saying he and Gallows will win the Tag titles and he will win the Royal Rumble.  A girl from the crowd jumps the rail and goes after Punk.  Security drags her away as she screams that she needs Punk.  Punk has her brought into the ring.  Her name is Serena.  Punk talks for about 3 years.  Serena readily agrees to have her head shaved and accept Straight Edge.  Insta-commercial.  Punk shaves her head.  She’s almost orgasmic over it.  Creepy.

McIntyre, Jericho, and Morrison come out for the Handicap Match.  Smackdown GM Teddy Long comes out and changes the match to a tag match, with R-Truth as Morrison’s partner.

WWE Intercontinental Champion Drew McIntyre & Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison & R-Truth.  Jericho and Morrison start, which is always good.  Tag to R-Truth.  They double hip toss Jericho, nip up, knock McIntyre off the apron, then send Jericho out of the ring too.  Morrison tags back in.  Jericho shoves R-Truth off the apron, then sends Morrison to the outside for a minute.  Morrison plays face in peril.  Jericho orders the announcers to point out that McIntyre is a champion.  The heels continue to work over Morrison.  McIntyre knocks Truth off the apron again and keeps the heat on Morrison.  Insta-commercial.  Morrison keeps on taking a beating.  He finally comes back and hits a diving cross body on Jericho for 2.  Jericho stops him from making the tag and goes for the Walls of Jericho.  Morrison avoids it.  Jericho tags in McIntyre, who again stops Morrison from tagging out.  Man, this is like the longest extended heat segment I’ve ever seen.  Morrison FINALLY makes the hot tag.  R-Truth runs wild.  Morrison takes McIntyre to the outside.  Truth schoolboys Jericho for 2.  Jericho gets a cover, but the referee is yelling at McIntyre for laying on the mat after being thrown in by Morrison.  Morrison kicks Jericho from the apron, allowing R-Truth to hit the Lie Detector on Jericho for the pin (13:52 shown).  Really good formula tag match.

Video of Rey Mysterio winning the World Heavyweight Championship at WrestleMania 22.  Mysterio calls out The Undertaker TONIGHT!

The Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, and Layla are in the ring with a table with food in it.  McCool says she won’t be defending the title against Mickie James at the Royal Rumble because Mickie is leaving Smackdown tonight.  Dammit this angle is so motherfucking stupid and terrible.  Maria comes out.  Maria says they’re annoying.  She has a point.  At some point Maria went from stupid to threatening.  McCool says Maria is skinny.  That’s the pothead calling the kettle black.  They continue to argue.  Mickie James comes out, looking the hottest of all of them.  She’s sick of their crap.  So am I.  Mickie cuts a promo on McCool and Layla.  This segment goes on for days.  Mickie says she’ll be at the Rumble.  Mickie and Maria jump the heels.  Beth Phoenix runs out and makes the save for the heels.  Beth disposes of Maria, then they beat down Mickie, then McCool hits Mickie in the face with a pig shaped cake and pours red punch over her.  Mickie cries.  Will this angle just fucking end?  And will whoever thought of it fuck off and die?

Cryme Tyme vs. Mike Knox & Charlie Haas.  JTG goes with Knox, then Haas.  Kane comes out and throws them all out of the ring, so it’s a no-contest in less than 1 minute.  So I guess that’s Kane’s way of saying he’s going to win the Royal Rumble.

Last week, Rey Mysterio defeated Batista in a Steel Cage Match to become the #1 Contender.  Tonight, HE CALLS OUT THE UNDERTAKER OMGWTFAWESOME!!!!  </sarcasm>

Grisham and Striker hype the Royal Rumble card.

Great Khali & Matt Hardy (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya).  The Harts work over Hardy to start.  Natalya entices Khali with her breasts to distract him from the match.  Hardy cradles Smith for the pin 2:18.  Well that was stupid… but Natalya’s breasts are appealing.

Rey Mysterio is headed our way!

Mysterio comes out and calls out The Undertaker, who does indeed come out.  They talk back and forth.  Mysterio claims he’ll beat Undertaker at the Royal Rumble.  Undertaker replies that Mysterio is digging his own grave.  Taker says Mysterio will Rest In Peace at the Rumble.  Undertaker leaves.  Mysterio says something to him.  Batista jumps Mysterio from behind and Batista Bombs him, and runs away before the Undertaker can make it back to the ring, since he walks so slow.

This show was Impact levels of crap, but it wasn’t good either.

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iMPACT! 1/21/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 30, 2010, under TNA

Genesis highlight video.  The name of this episode is “AJ Styles… Whooo!”

Ric Flair and the World Champion AJ Styles arrive in a limo with bimbos.

Impact open, pyro and ballyhoo, Mike Tenay and Taz.

Ric Flair comes out with bimbos.  Flair says he had 3 reasons for coming to TNA: 1.) He hates Hulk Hogan.  2.) He wants AJ Styles to be the new Nature Boy.  3.)  He nailed Dixie Carter.  That was the short version.  Be thankful.  Flair introduces AJ Styles (in a suit and with yet another bimbo).  Styles cuts a promo and comes off like a goofy kid pretending to be Ric Flair.  Kurt Angle comes out with Hulk Hogan in tow.  Hogan says he changed his mind about enforcing the Genesis stipulation and he’s giving Angle another title shot tonight.  If Flair interferes, Angle wins the title.

Matt Morgan’s New Year’s Resolution is to do more for charity.

Mick Foley is throwing a tamper backstage and looking for Eric Bischoff.

Tenay and Taz run down what’s on tap for TONIGHT!

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: Matt Morgan & Hernandez (c) vs. The British Invasion.  This is the Brits’ rematch, having lost the titles at Genesis.  Williams beats up Morgan to start.  Magnus does the revolving elbows in the corner, clotheslines Williams, picks him up for a sidewalk slam, then just drops him.  Brits get the advantage on Morgan.  Hernandez gets the tag and runs wild.  Modified Border Toss thingy gets 2.  Rob Terry comes out as Williams hits a German suplex hold for 2.  Terry throws in his Feast or Fired case to Magnus.  Magnus accidentally clocks Williams, allowing Hernandez to get the pin in 4:00.  The match was meh.  Mick Foley comes out and hits the Brits with a chair, then double arm DDTs Williams onto the chair.  Foley tells the camera that Bischoff should schedule an appointment for him.

Audio clips of Jeff Jarrett on the Bubba The Love Sponge Show.  Jarrett keeps hanging up on him.

Hogan and Bischoff talk in their office.  Bischoff is going to take care of “Cactus Jack” and Hogan is going to take care of “that other thing.”  Kevin Nash comes in.  The Band is out of control and Nash is tagging with Eric Young tonight.

Orlando Jordan comes out.  Cut to Christy Hemme interviewing “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.

Orlando Jordan vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  They lock up.  Jordan does an arm drag.  I kinda wish Orlando Jordan would fuck off and die.  Pope does his slide over the guy and out of the ring deal.  Jordan hits a Dragon screw leg whip on Pope’s injured knee.  Jordan hits a Flatliner for the pin in 3:01.

Christy interviews Kurt Angle.

The Pope says every day is a new year for him.

More Jarrett on Bubba.

Nash and Eric Young talk backstage.

Beautiful People history package.

More Jarrett/Bubba.

Bobby Lashley meets with Eric Bischoff.  Despite what Lashley’s wife has been saying, he wants to wrestle in TNA.

Madison Rayne vs. Angelina Love.  Rayne begs off, then gets a cheap shot in and beats up Love.  Angelina fights back and kicks her ass.  Angelina gets the pin after a thrust kick in 1:04.  She rips Rayne’s shirt off and chokes her with it.  Hot.  Velvet Sky and Lacey Von Erich come out.  Love fights off Lacey and Rayne at first.  They finally get the 3 on 1 beat down and Lacey hits Love with the ugly stick (a pink nightstick).

Bubba interviews Scott Hall and Syxx-Pac.  They defend Hall’s beating up of “a fan” at Genesis.

Hogan and Bischoff are headed our way!

Velvet Sky doesn’t have a New Years’ Resolution.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come to the ring.  Hogan babbles, then calls out The Band.  Hogan really hates rock, paper, scissors, so he kicks Hall and Pac out of the building.  Mick Foley comes out.  Commercials.

Eric Young says he’ll be dominate in 2010.

Nash tells Hall and Pac he’ll take care of things, so they leave.

The Nasty Boys vs. Kevin Nash & TNA Global Champion Eric Young.  Sags and Young start.  Young tries.  Sags beats him up.  Knobs tags in and beats up Young.  Nash tags in and beats up Knobs.  Sags tags in and clotheslines Nash for 2.  Nash drops Sags tag in Young, who hits a diving elbow for 2.  Knobs take out Nash.  Nastys give Young the Pit Stop.  Sags hits a pumphandle slam on Young for the pin in 3:09.  This sucked.

Angle vs. Styles is still to come!

Ken Anderson Anderson is headed our way!

During the break, Team 3D clobbered the Nasty Boys with chair shots backstage.

Highlights of Mr. Anderson’s debut against Abyss at Genesis.

Ken Anderson comes out and talks.  Abyss sneaks in behind him.  Anderson goes on making fun of Abyss.  Abyss finally taps Anderson on the shoulder, then kicks his ass.

Brother Devon’s resolution is to be a good wrestler.  Good luck with that, buddy.

Brother Ray’s is to have fun.

Abyss apologizes to Bischoff backstage.  Bischoff says the only reason Abyss has a job is because Hogan likes him.  Bischoff goes into Hogan’s office, where Mick Foley is being restrained by security.  They agree to have a civilized discussion.  Foley yells at Bischoff.  Bischoff has the camera guy leave.  Stupid segment.  I’m just happy they didn’t cut straight to the invisible camera.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  Earl Hebner is the referee.  Just mentioning that in case it comes into play later on.  Styles jumps Angle before the bell.  Angle fights back and kicks his ass.  Angle back body drops Styles, who bails.  Angle chases him back into the ring and gets the boots put to him.  Angle hits a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for 2.  Angle hammers Styles.  A clothesline gets 2 for Angle.  Angle tries a German, but Styles holds onto the ropes and kicks him low.  Styles puts the boots to Angle.  Insta-commercial.  They trade blows in the middle of the ring.  Styles clips Angle’s leg and puts him in the figure-four leglock.  Angle escapes and hits a belly to belly overhead suplex, then goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles arm drags his way out of it.  Angle hits the rolling Germans.  Angle goes for the Slam again, but AJ avoids and hits the Pele kick, then goes for the Styles Clash.  Angle counters it and locks in the ankle lock.  Styles rolls through, locks in his own ankle lock, and Hebner IMMEDIATELY calls for the bell.  “BULLSHIT” chants.  That’s right, another lame Montreal rehash.  Hogan comes out.  Angle yells at him, accusing him of having something to do with it, “quits,” and spits on Hogan’s face.  Insta-commercial.

During the break, Angle stole Mike Tenay’s chair and beat up the set with it.

A bloody Eric Bischoff stumbles his way to the ring, takes the microphone, and fires Mick Foley.  End.

Man, what a fucking disjointed mess of a show.

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Monday Night Raw 1/25/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 26, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts, LIVE from Columbus, Ohio!  Tonight’s guest hosts are James Roday and Dule Hill from Psych!

DX comes out for a match.  Before the match, they argue about the Royal Rumble.  Hunter says they can work together until it comes down to them, but then it’s on.  Michaels says he understands.

Non-Title: Unified WWE Tag Team Champions DX vs. Legacy.  The battle of tag teams who are going to throw each other out of the Royal Rumble!  Hunter hammers Rhodes to start.  He goes for an early Pedigree, but Dibiase pulls Rhodes out of the ring to save him.  Commercials.  Back from break, it’s still Triple H and Rhodes.  Tag to Michaels.  Michaels hits the flying forearm and the nip up.  The announcers announce that James Roday will not be there tonight, so Hill will be the solo host.  Michaels goes up top.  Dibiase tries to thwart (great word) him.  Michaels punches him.  Rhodes and Dibiase regroup outside.  Michaels dives onto both of them.  On the way back in, Rhodes catches Michaels with a pretty sick neckbreaker.  Michaels plays face in peril.  He finally goes to tag out, but Triple H has disappeared!  He avoids Dream Street, Dibiase avoids the superkick.  Hunter reappears and receives the hot tag.  Triple H runs wild.  Hunter goes to Pedigree Rhodes.  Michaels tags himself in.  Rhodes pushes Triple H into Michaels.  They stare at each other.  Michaels superkicks Dibiase.  Triple H decks Rhodes.  Michaels pins Dibiase to win it in 10:02.  Hunter and Shawn shake hands, but Triple H looks unhappy.  Match was fine.  It was mainly here to further the DX dissension storyline.  This Friday on Smackdown, DX defend the Tag titles against CM Punk & Luke Gallows.

Cole and Lawler hype the season premiere of Psych, guest starring John Cena!

The Big Show takes on MVP, NEXT!

Slam of the Week: Big Show KO’d MVP last week.

MVP comes out and cuts a promo on The Miz, saying Miz can’t duck him forever, and when MVP gets his shot at the US title, he’ll become the new champion.  The Miz comes out to retort.  They’ve been doing really good promo work, and tonight is no different.  MVP implies that Miz would be a bitch in prison.  Miz introduces Show as MVP’s opponent like it’s supposed to be a surprise, even though it was announced before the last break.  Dumbasses.

Montel Vontavious Porter vs. The Big Show.  MVP tries to use his speed, but is overpowered and mauled.  Show hits the chokeslam for the pin in 1:01.  The Miz comes down to gloat over MVP’s carcass.

Tonight, Vince McMahon announces his decision about the Bret Hart situation!

Royal Rumble hype.  I’m excited.  Are you?

Backstage, Rhodes and Dibiase bicker amongst themselves.  Randy Orton comes in and chastises them for losing to DX and for not helping him against Sheamus last week.  He says at the Royal Rumble, he’ll regain the WWE Championship with or without their help.

John Cena and Dule Hill talk backstage.  Cena leaves and The Miz comes in.  He’s jealous that Cena was on Psych and not him.  Hill tells Miz he’ll face an opponent of Hill’s choosing tonight.  Commercials!

Maryse comes out and starts cutting a promo.  Dule Hill starts fucking with the pyro to interrupt her.  Maryse calls him a loser.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Maryse vs. Eve Torres.  Eve gets the better of Maryse until she misses a moonsault.  Maryse goes for the DDT, but Eve turns it into a Northern Lights suplex for 2.  Maryse hits the DDT for the pin in 2:06.

Vince McMahon is headed our way!

Vince McMahon comes to the ring, talks, and again says that Bret Hart will never again appear in WWE.  He goes into the crowd and asks random fans about it.  Seriously.  John Cena eventually comes out.  He berates Vince for his treatment of the legends who helped him build his empire.  Cena tells Vince to either invite Bret to Raw next week, or Cena is going to kick Vince’s ass on his 90th birthday.  Seriously.  Vince agrees, then books Cena vs. Sheamus for tonight.

Non-Title: WWE United States Champion The Miz vs. Kofi Kingston.  They wrestle as Cole and Lawler pimp the Royal Rumble.  Miz kicks Kingston in the face for 2.  Kofi goes for a cross body.  Miz kind of tries to avoid it, but it turns into a splash to the back for 2.  Miz hits a neckbreaker for 2.  MVP’s music plays.  Miz gets distracted, then eats the Trouble In Paradise for the pin in 3:40.  MVP comes out to the stage to gloat.

Carlito gives Dule Hill a tour of the production truck.  Hill randomly pushes buttons on the match-ups graphic maker to make Carlito vs. Kelly Kelly NEXT!  Seriously?  Commercials!

Carlito is in the ring.  Kelly Kelly comes out looking scared.  Santino Marella comes out and offers to take her place because he looks like a stupido on the Best of Raw 2009 DVD.  He goes on to claim he’ll win the Royal Rumble.  Jack Swagger jumps Santino in the entry way, throws him in the ring, then throws him out of the ring, so I guess Swagger gets his win back.  Kinda.  Swagger gives Santino a Complete Shot into the post, then does push ups.

John Cena takes on Sheamus TONIGHT!  Tonight?  That’s this night!

Cool Royal Rumble “By The Numbers” video.  Cole and Lawler hype the Rumble card.

Cena and Hill talk backstage some more.  They get Roday on the phone.  Alicia Fox comes in thinking Hill is a psychic.  She wants him to predict what happens in her match with Gail Kim tonight.  I predict that she’ll do the job.  Hill predicts she’ll win, because she’s hot.  Hill says he’ll be at ringside for her.  More silliness.  Commercials.

Dule Hill joins the announcers for the next match.  Gail Kim doesn’t even get an entrance.

WWE Divas Championship Tournament – Semifinal: Gail Kim vs. Alicia Fox.  They have a match.  It’s fine.  I’m distracted, sorry.  Alicia gets an inside cradle for 2.  The match gets hotter.  Gail hits her “pull the other girl into my foot” move for the pin in 1:56.  Fox smacks Dule Hill.

Sheamus is headed our way!

Next week, Bret Hart confronts Mr. McMahon!  Also, WILLIAM F’ING SHATNER GUEST HOSTS!

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. John Cena.  They lock up.  Cena pushes Sheamus into the corner.  Break.  Repeat.  Cena ducks a wild blow thrown by Sheamus, decks him, and hits a bulldog for 2.  Sheamus clobbers Cena in the back of the head, then in the front of the face, then stomps a mud hole in him.  Cena hits the Fisherman’s suplex for 2.  Sheamus lands a vertical suplex for 2.  Match goes on.  Cursed Facebook chat, distracting me!  Cena barely beats the count back in the ring and goes for the Attitude Adjustment, but Sheamus counters into a DDT for 2.  Sheamus hits a powerslam for 2.  Sheamus avoids the STF and pushes Cena out of the ring with his legs.  Sheamus follows him out and throws Cena into the steps.  Cena barely beats the count back in again.  Cena avoids an elbow drop.  Cena makes his usual comeback.  Sheamus counters the Attitude Adjustment and hits a uranage backbreaker for 2.  Cena avoids the big kick and locks in the STF, but it’s WAY too close to the ropes.  Sheamus bails.  Cena follows him out and eats the big kick.  Just as Sheamus is about to win by count out, Randy Orton appears out of nowhere and hits the RKO on Sheamus to cause the DQ in 9:49.  Fun match.  Cena makes his way back onto the ring apron.  Orton goes for the DDT OF MURDER, but Cena comes to life and hits the Attitude Adjustment.  Cena stands tall to end the show.

A really fun show all in all, and they did a really good job of hyping the Royal Rumble.

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Superstars 1/21/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 21, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, Superstars open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our opening hosts.

Jillian Hall comes out and rapes our ears with a horrible rendition of a horrible song by a horrible singer.

Jillian Hall vs. Kelly Kelly.  Kelly does her flippy stuff, then Jillian stretches her and beats her up.  Kelly makes her comeback.  Jillian squashes a victory roll attempt for 2.  Jillian goes for a handspring elbow to the corner, but Kelly dropkicks her then hits her half asses Fameasser for the pin in 3:45.  A not very good, but very forgettable match.

In tonight’s main event, Chris Jericho takes on Kane!

Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton take over commentary for the next match.

Shelton Benjamin vs. Vance Archer.  They lock up, then brawl.  Shelton counters the British Fall into an inside cradle for 2.  Benjamin takes Archer out of the ring with a headscissors.  Commercials.  Archer has a rear chin lock.  Shelton escapes and eats Archer’s boot.  Archer uses another rest hold.  Shelton escapes again.  Archer boots him again and hits some mounted punches, then covers for 2.  Archer cranks on Benjamin’s neck.  Shelton escapes the hold again and makes his comeback.  Shelton hits the Dragon Whip for 2.  Shelton hits a German suplex hold for 2.  Archer avoids a dropkick and whips Benjamin into the corner.  Benjamin hits a dropkick, then catches Archer with an Oklahoma roll for the pin in 11:22.  Slow and uninspiring.

Ask The Divas.

The main event is still to come!

Video package on The Miz, for some reason.

Todd Grisham and Matt Striker have taken over announcing.  They hype the Royal Rumble.

Chris Jericho heads out for his match, which is NEXT!

Chris Jericho vs. Kane.  They stall a lot to start.  Jericho slaps Kane, and Kane responds by kicking his ass.  Kane works a hammerlock.  Jericho low bridges Kane out of the ring, then does the springboard dropkick to the apron to knock Kane to the floor again.  Commercials.  Naturally, Jericho has the advantage.  Jericho rocks Kane with an enzuigiri for 2.  Jericho, who’s been watching Kane’s recent matches with Dolph Ziggler on Smackdown, clamps on a sleeper hold.  Kane rams him against the turnbuckle to escape it.  Jericho hits a dropkick for 2.  Jericho hits the bulldog.  Kane avoids the Lionsault and hits the big boot for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but fails.  Kane counters the Codebreaker as well.  Jericho counters a chokeslam attempt and bails.  Kane wins by count-out in 16:16.  Match was ok.

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TNA Genesis 2010

Posted by Chui in Jan 20, 2010, under TNA

TNA Wrestling… Cross The Line!  They should change it to “TNA… We are wrestling’s old folks home.”  PPV opening video, pyro and ballyhoo.  Mike Tenay and Taz are our hosts for the first TNA PPV of 2010.

Hulk Hogan and Eric Bischoff come down the ramp that goes all the way to the ring, which is now a normal 4 sided ring.  Hogan puts over the changes.  Crowd chants “WE WANT SIX SIDES!”  Hogan says the four sided ring is where wrestling was meant to be done.  Hogan bashes TNA’s “competitor.”  Bischoff says there’s a lot more change to come.  Hogan ends by warning Vince McMahon that TNA is coming for him.  You’d think these goofs would have learned by now that you can’t out-Vince Vince McMahon.

Tenay and Taz do their opening bit: putting over TNA, bashing the “competition,” and hyping the card for tonight.

TNA X Division Championship Match: Amazing Red (c) vs. Brian Kendrick.  Kendrick is the mystery opponent, still basically doing the “THE Brian Kendrick” gimmick.  The announcers don’t make a big deal out of Kendrick.  Kendrick applies an ARMBAR! to start.  They roll in and out of holds a bit.  Kendrick works the armbar and a crossface.  Awesome little sequence that was too quick to describe.  Red ranas Kendrick out of the ring, teases a dive, Kendrick gets back in and kinda spears him, then kicks him out of the ring.  Kendrick throws some kicks at Red’s leg and works the leg a bit.  The announcers talk about Bobby Lashley claiming that he’s not going to wrestle tonight.  Kendrick keeps working the leg.  Red fights back, sends Kendrick out of the ring, and takes him out with a flip dive from the top rope.  The announcers keep mentioning Brooke Hogan at ringside.  Back inside, Red hits a dropkick off the top for 2.  Red comes off the top for another move, but Kendrick avoids him and applies a half crab.  More torture for the leg.  Red lands a kick.  They trade blows.  Red takes Kendrick down with a head scissors and gets a 2 count.  Kendrick lands a one legged dropkick for 2.  He puts the boots to Red.  “X DIVISION!” chant.  Red hits a springboard Code Red for the pin in 9:04.  Match was okay, but a little slow and sloppy in places.

Bischoff and Hogan talk to The Band backstage.  They reiterate that Hall and Waltman aren’t under contracts and have to earn their spots.  Hall and Waltman play Rock, Paper, Scissors to decide which of them will wrestle tonight.  Waltman wins 2 out of 3.

Sean Morley comes out for his match.  The show his fight with Daniels last week on iMPACT!  He gives his towel to Brooke Hogan, then does the same spiel he was doing 10 years ago.  Crowd chants “WE WANT WRESTLING!”  Daniels comes out, bitches about Morley’s shtick, threatens to slap fans, and gets in the ring for…

Sean Morley vs. Daniels.  They brawl.  Daniels bails.  Morley pursues.  They trade blows back inside.  Daniels tries to bail again, but Morley won’t let him.  Morley hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Morley targets Daniels’ ribs.  Daniels pulls Morley across the ropes and starts getting the advantage on him.  Daniels applies something of a triangle choke.  The referee forces him to break it.  I think Morley is supposed to be the babyface here, but he’s getting booed and Daniels is getting cheered, despite Daniels being a dick to the crowd before the match.  Daniels does a swank head scissors on the ropes to choke Morley, then kicks him in the head and hits his weird sorta split legged moonsault.  Daniels continues to choke Morley at every opportunity.  Morley fights back and targets Daniels’ ribs again.  Blue Thunder Driver gets 2 for Morley.  Crowd chants “THAT’S HIS MOVE!”  Daniels does do that move, doesn’t he?  Daniels locks in the Koji Clutch.  Crowd chants “SIT DOWN BROOKE!” at Brooke Hogan, who apparently was standing up.  Daniels hits an STO for 2.  Morley avoids the BME and hits a half nelson slam, then goes up top.  Daniels hits the Venus palm strike and goes for an Iconoclasm.  Morley stops it.  Daniels hits another palm strike and tries a Frankensteiner off the top, but Morley holds on to the ropes, then hits the Money Shot for the pin in 9:07.  Fine little match, but the Impact Zone mutants hurt it.

Tara/ODB video package.  Tenay and Taz go over the Tale of the Tape.  It’s really not a Tale of the Tape.  Idiots.

2/3 Falls Match for the TNA Knockouts Championship: ODB (c) vs. Tara.  They go chest to chest, then pull each others’ hair.  ODB pulls some of Tara’s extensions out, so Tara kicks her ass.  Tara hits the standing moonsault for 2.  Tara chops ODB in the tits and ODB sells it.  Tara throws some kicks and drops ODB with an enzuigiri.  Hilo leg drop gets 2.  ODB fights back and hits a fall away slam, nips up, and gets inside cradled by Tara for the pin in 2:43 to win the first fall.  Some football player is in the crowd.  Nobody but Tenay and Taz care.  ODB beats up Tara.  Tara catches ODB with an elbow in the corner and locks in the tarantula.  ODB sends Tara to the floor with a baseball slide dropkick.  ODB stun guns Tara into the ring apron.  Ouch.  Brooke tries to help Tara and gets chastised by ODB.  ODB gets in the ring and checks her pulse.  ODB grabs Tara on the apron and throws her back in.  Cover gets 2.  ODB checks her pulse again and clamps on a body scissors.  ODB does the rolling Kobashi cradle for 2.  ODB keeps going back to the body scissors and adds a sleeper to it.  Tara finally escapes.  ODB pulls something from between her tits, then hits a running powerslam for 2.  ODB checks her pulse again.  Tara hits the Widow’s Peak for the pin at 9:34 to win it in 2 straight falls.  This match was not good at all.

Christy Hemme interviews “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  The Pope is pimpin’, according to him.

Tenay and Taz go over the Tag Lines.

TNA World Tag Team Championship Match: The British Invasion (c) vs. Matt Morgan & Hernandez.  Magnus starts with Morgan and bails after a moment.  Back in, Magnus avoids a chokeslam and tags in Williams.  Hernandez stops the Brits from hitting the double necktie.  The Brits bail.  Back in, Williams hits Hernandez with some European uppercuts and a knee int he corner, then tries a suplex.  They counter each other, then Hernandez hits a back body drop on Williams.  Hernandez uses his shirt to toss Williams.  Williams catches him in the corner with a boot then dives on him.  Hernandez catches him and goes for a powerbomb, but Magnus clips his leg.  The Brits hit a double superplex on Hernandez.  Williams tags in Magnus.  Double necktie on Hernandez.  Magnus throws some punches at him and clamps on a rear chin lock.  Crowd does the “OLE!” chant to encourage Hernandez.  Magnus applies an abdominal stretch and holds hands with Williams for more leverage… or just because they’re fruits.  The referee stops the assist.  Hernandez hits a big whirly power move on Magnus.  Morgan gets the tag and cleans house.  Revolving elbows in the corner to Williams.  Taz uses his former broadcast partner’s “VINTAGE!” line.  Williams hits a diving European uppercut.  Hernandez drops Williams.  Magnus drops Hernandez.  Morgan drops Magnus.  Morgan chokeslams Williams for 2.  Magnus decks Hernandez to knock him off the apron, then kicks Morgan into a German from Williams for 2.  Magnus tags in.  Brits try some double teaming, but Morgan deals with them both.  He tosses Williams off the top rope.  Hernandez takes on Williams, then hits something of a reverse powerbomb on Magnus.  Morgan finishes off Magnus with the Carbon Footprint for the pin in 8:51.  This wasn’t very good either.  The new champs celebrate.

Bobby Lashley barges into Bischoff’s office, where Bischoff is talking to Abyss.  Abyss kicks Lashley’s ass and whacks him with a monitor of some sort.  Bischoff is mad at Abyss for taking out his opponent for tonight, even though Abyss was just trying to protect Bischoff.  Hogan comes in and tells he’s going to have a match tonight.  They talk about being crazy.

Desmond Wolfe (w/ generic bimbo) vs. “The Pope” D’Angelo Dinero.  Pope kisses Wolfe’s companion, which prompts a “POPE IS PIMPIN’!” chant.  They go at it.  Pope takes a light bump to the outside.  Pope comes back and locks Pope  into something like a reverse tarantula.  Diving fist drop from Pope gets 2.  Pope hits his “slide over the other guy out of the ring” move and appears to hurt his knee.  Wolfe goes after him and says he’s no dummy.  Wolfe works Pope’s knee.  Pope fights back and manages to avoid the Tower of London, then spears Wolfe.  Pope hits a weird but neat suplex for 2.  I got distracted for a minute, then Pope got an inside cradle for 2.  Pope tries a backslide, but Wolfe counters.  Pope gets another inside cradle for 2.  Pope hits a whiplash move for 2.  Pope hits sort of an Alabama Slam for 2.  Pope goes for the Elijah Express, but Wolfe nails him with the jawbreaker lariat for the pin 13:31.  It was fine, but nothing you’re going to remember tomorrow.

Tenay and Taz talk about what we’ve seen and what’s still to come.

Jeremy Borash is in the back to do some sort of interview.  Eric Bischoff interrupts and tells him he’s taking him off television.  He hands the mic to Christy Hemme.  Ric Flair steps in, so Christy decides to interview him.  He’s not ready to explain what the hell he’s doing in TNA.

The Band/Beer Money video package.

Kevin Nash & Syxx-Pac vs. Beer Money.  Waltman is announced as “Syxx-Pac,” so I guess that’s the name he’s going with this time around.  Pac and Storm start.  Pac feigns some kicks, then gets hip tossed and arm dragged.  Crowd chants “HOGAN SUCKS!” I think.  Tag to Roode, some double teaming, and knee drop to Pac for 2.  Nash tags in and there goes any chance of this match being good.  Roode throws some chops at Nash, then tries to knock him down with clotheslines but fails twice, finally succeeds on the third.  Tag to Storm.  Beer Money does the wishbone spot to Nash, then drop toe holds Pac into Nash’s balls.  The Band works over Storm.  Nash is shockingly spry at one point in stopping Storm from tagging out.  Storm hits a Codebreaker on Nash.  Pac tags in.  Roode gets the hot tag and cleans house on Pac.  Nash comes in and gets dealt with by Roode as well.  Roode hits a spinebuster on Pac and covers, but Nash saves.  Nash charges Roode in the corner and gets kicked in the head by Storm.  Beer Money double suplexes Pac and does the BEER!  MONEY! post.  Scott Hall comes out and distracts Beer Money.  Nash runs through them with a double clothesline.  Chokeslam to Roode gets 2.  Hall beats up a “fan.”  Pac goes to restrain him.  Storm superkicks Nash, leading to Roode getting the pin with a jackknife hold in 9:44.  Match was good in parts, but the end was a confusing mess.

Hulk Hogan tells Eric Bischoff that he’s going to deal with The Band this Thursday on Impact.  They’re such douches.  Oh, and TNA has finally introduced the invisible camera.

Abyss vs. Ken Anderson.  Mr. “Don’t call me Kennedy” Anderson is the big surprise that Hogan talked about on Impact.  He does his hole introducing himself bit before the match.  Anderson slaps Abyss.  Abyss slugs him back and drops him.  Kennedy gets shoved around, then hammers Abyss with punches.  More back and forth brawling.  Anderson clips Abyss’ knee, then kicks him in the arm.  Abyss bails.  Anderson follows him out  and smacks the bad arm against anything he can find.  Crowd chants “OVERRATED!” at Anderson.  He grabs a chair, but Abyss kicks it out of his hands and fights back.  Anderson chokes Abyss with a boot back inside.  Anderson sends Abyss into the turnbuckle and schoolboys him for 2.  Anderson continues working the arm.  Abyss comes back and drops Anderson with a big boot, whips him into the corner, wastes a bunch of time clapping his hands, then squashes Anderson in the corner.  Sidewalk slam gets 2.  Anderson rakes Abyss’ eyes to escape the Shock Treatment and hits a hangman’s neckbreaker for 2.  Anderson comes off the top and gets caught and chokeslammed.  Cover gets 2.  Abyss hits the Shock Treatment for 2.  Abyss brings in a chair.  Anderson pulls a pair of brass knucks out of his trunks.  The referee takes the chair away  and goes to put it away.  While his back is turned. Anderson KO’s Abyss with the knucks and gets the pin in 10:36.  Yeah, this one wasn’t any good either.  Anderson announces himself as the winner while still selling the beating.

Angle/Styles video package.

TNA World Heavyweight Championship Match: AJ Styles (c) vs. Kurt Angle.  They lock up.  The crowd is obnoxious.  They wrestle, and it’s good, but the crowd has to do their obnoxious dueling chants.  Then they chant “YOU’RE BOTH AWESOME!”  I want to personally strangle them all.  Angle takes Styles down, so Styles bails.  Styles takes Angle down, so Angle bails.  Man this crowd is so fucking annoying.  Why the fuck do they feel the need to chant constantly?  Angle gets a schoolboy for 2.  More fast wrestling.  Man this would be great in front of a decent crowd.  They work a Greco Roman knuckle lock.  Man, I don’t know why the mutants are bothering me so much today.  Styles hits a dropkick and clamps on a rear chin lock.  More stuff happens.  Styles elbows Angle out of the ring and tries to dive, but Angle pulls him down and sends AJ’s face into the apron.  Angle rolls Styles back in and covers for 2.  Angle hits a tilt a whirl backbreaker for 2.  More stuff happens.  Angle hits a release German suplex on Styles, then puts the boots to him in the corner.  Another backbreaker gets 2 for Angle.  Styles starts fighting back, then they hit each other with cross body blocks.  Ric Flair comes out and stands at ringside.  Angle and Styles trade blows.  Styles sends Angle to the floor and hits a suicide dive.  Man, those guardrails are awfully close to the ring in this new set up.  Back side, Angle catches AJ with a boot in the corner, then AJ hits that fireman’s carry backbreaker thing.  AJ hits the springboard forearm for 2.  Angle backdrops out of the Styles Clash and hits the rolling Germans on Styles.  Angle goes for the Angle Slam, but Styles arm drags out of it.  Styles tries a German, but Angle goes behind and hits another release German for 2.  Styles avoids the Angle Slam again and hits the Pele kick for 2.  Styles goes for the Clash again, but Angle rams him into the corner.  Angle drops Styles with aclothesline for 2.  Angle goes for the ankle lock, but Styles avoids it and drops Angle with a clothesline.  Styles hits a diving rana, then goes for the springboard 450, but Angle moves.  Angle hits the Angle Slam, but Styles kicks out.  Angle goes for his gorgeous moonsault, but Styles moves out of the way.  Styles goes for the Styles Clash again, but Angle counters and locks in the ankle lock.  AJ fights out, gets backdropped to the apron and hits a springboard cross body for 2.  Styles tries a Styles Clash from the top, fails, dives at Angle.  Angle catches him and hits AJ with his own Styles Clash for a 2 count.  Angle tries the Angle Slam again, but Styles turns it into a DDT.  Styles hits Angle’s own Angle Slam for 2.  Styles goes up top.  Angle sprints up and hits the Angle Slam off the top.  Styles kicks out at 2.  Okay Kurt, you’ve officially killed your finish.  Happy?  Angle locks in the ankle lock again.  Styles tries to fight out, but Angle keeps it clamped on.  Angle grapevines the leg.  Ric Flair pulls referee Earl Hebner out of the ring just in time for him to not see Styles tap out.  Angle goes after Flair, chasing him out of and into the ring.  Styles drops Angle with a clothesline.  Flair throws AJ the belt to use as a weapon.  AJ nails Kurt with the belt.  Flair throws Hebner into the ring to count the pin in 28:47.  And here I was thinking that TNA was going to get through a whole PPV without anyone interfering for the finish.  It was still a good match, but I thought their TV match was loads better.  Styles and Flair celebrate to end the show.

Man, this was not a good show.  Hogan and Bischoff are obviously booking what they want and not giving a fuck what the fans (even if they are annoying morons in the Impact Zone) want, which Hogan made clear in his opening promo.  Fuck this company.

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ECW 1/19/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 19, 2010, under WWE

Quick note before we start: The TNA PPV review will be done tomorrow or the next day.

WWE open, ECW Homecoming highlights, ECW open.  Tonight, Christian takes on William Regal!  YES!

Savannah introduces Tony Atlas, who introduces Santino Marella, guest host of tonight’s Abraham Washington Show.  Santino and Atlas banter.  Santino introduces his guest, babyface Vladimir Kozlov.  I hope Kozlov throws out an “I LOVE DOUBLE DOUBLE E” for old time’s sake.  Kozlov said he was  in a Ukrainian biker gang until someone ran over his face.   They go in in their hard to understand accents.  Comedy gold here.  Santino suggests that they become a tag team.  Kozlov says no.  He asks the crowd.  Crowd also says no.  Santino ends the show early.

Goldust and Yoshi Tatsu are headed our way!

Goldust & Yoshi Tatsu vs. Trent Barreta & Caylen Croft.  Goldust goes with both.  Tatsu tags in and Croft and Barreta manage to get the advantage on him and work him over.  Yoshi plays face in peril and finally makes the hot tag to Goldust.  Goldust hits the snap powerslam on Croft.  Barreta saves.  Goldust cradles Croft.  Barreta nails him while the ref’s back is turned, allowing Croft to get the pin in 6:13.  Good little tag match.  Apologies for skimping so much on the match details.

Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez are headed our way!

Zack Ryder and Rosa Mendez do indeed come to the ring.  He says since he beat The Hurricane last week, he now wants to be referred to as the new heart and soul superhero of ECW.  He has Savannah announce his as such.  Twice.  Rosa yells at her in Spanish.  The Hurricane runs out and hits a diving cross body on Ryder.  Hurricane kisses Savannah’s hand.

Christian vs. Regal TONIGHT!  Awesome!

Josh Matthews and Byron Saxton hype the Royal Rumble card.  Then, they show clips of the recent issues between Shelton Benjamin and Vance Archer.  Those two will meet this Thursday on Superstars.

Non-Title: ECW Champion Christian vs. William Regal (w/ Ezekiel Jackson).  As always, they wrestle, and it’s good.  Regal, awesome motherfucker that he is, stretches Christian’s arm.  Regal ends up on the floor and Christian hits him with a baseball slide dropkick, then brings him back in.  Christian gets distracted by Jackson looking at him.  Commercials.  They continue wrestling, and it’s still good.  Regal counters a backslide and evilly mauls Christian.  Christian fights back.  Regal drops him with an elbow smash for 2.  Christian goes for the Killswitch.  Regal counters and hits an Exploder.  Regal kicks Christian’s head into the post.  Ouch.  Regal continues to fuck Christian’s shit all up.  Christian makes his comeback and hits a tornado DDT for 2.  Regal avoids a missile dropkick and goes for the knee trembler.  Christian catches him with a jackknife hold for 2.  Christian does his springboard sunset flip.  Regal drops him with a blow for a 2 count.  Christian dropkicks Regal in the corner, then hits a diving European uppercut.  Christian goes for the Killswitch again.  Regal counters him.  Christian throws Regal out of the ring and prepares to dive on him.  Jackson runs in and attacks Christian to cause the DQ at 16:12.  A good match between these two as always.  Regal and Jackson beat down Christian as the show ends.

Sorry for the poor review this week.  I have things on my mind.

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Monday Night Raw 1/18/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 18, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, Martin Luther King Day bit, Raw open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Michael Cole and Jerry Lawler are our hosts.  We’re LIVE from the University of Tennessee.  Tonight, John Cena and Kofi Kingston take on Legacy!  Tonight’s guest hosts are Don Johnson (who?) and Jon Heder (who?).

Justin Roberts introduces Mr. McMahon.  He talks for a while.  He says he put Bret Hart out to pasture, or something like that.  He compares Bret Hart to old gum.  He goes on until he’s interrupted by the World Heavyweight Champion, The Undertaker.  Vince says he wasn’t done talking.  Undertaker says it’s his time now.  He calls Vince a coward for screwing Bret.  Vince “respectfully disagrees” and leaves.  Taker then talks about Shawn Michaels.  He says he’ll deliver his answer to Shawn Michaels’ WrestleMania challenge personally.  Michaels comes out.  Taker tells him he’ll only beat him again, he has nothing to prove, so his answer is no.  However, he will give him the opportunity TONIGHT!  Shawn says no.  The fuck?  Shawn says he wants to beat Undertaker at WrestleMania.  Shawn says he’ll win the Royal Rumble and challenge Undertaker at WrestleMania.  That is, of course, assuming Taker keeps the title until WrestleMania.  Michaels realizes that too.  Undertaker assures him that he WILL be World Champion at WrestleMania.  Shawn says at WrestleMania, he’ll take Undertaker’s streak, title, and soul.  Well that’s a little extreme.  Commercials.

Slam of the Week: Last week, Randy Orton beat Kofi Kingston and John Cena in a Triple Threat Match (with much help from Legacy) to earn a WWE title shot at the Royal Rumble.

Non-Title: WWE Champion Sheamus vs. Evan Bourne.  Poor Bourne doesn’t even get an entrance.  Randy Orton comes out to watch.  Sheamus gets distracted and Bourne uses the opportunity to get the advantage briefly.  Sheamus then kills him with the bicycle kick and Razor’s Edge for the pin in 1:54.  Poor Bourne.  Orton gets in the ring and they stare at each other.  Sheamus holds the belt up and leaves.

DX talks backstage.  Don Johnson (who?) interrupts.  They put each other over.  Johnson is looking for Jon Heder (who?).  Michaels says he doesn’t know who Jon Heder is.  Neither do I.  Hunter says he’ll talk to Shawn about it later.  Michaels leaves.  Triple H tells Johnson that Heder is an idiot and it doesn’t matter if he shows up.  They had some kind of incident in the past, apparently.  Hunter leaves.  Johnson finds Carlito dressed like Napoleon Dynamite.

Cena & Kingston vs. Legacy TONIGHT!

Jack Swagger comes out.  He calls Santino Marella’s victory last week a fluke, says he’ll win the Royal Rumble, and challenges Santino again.  Santino comes out dressed as Don Johnson for some reason.  He says he’s busy tonight, because he’s the president of the Italian Don Johnson Fan Club.  He says he found a suitable replacement.

Over The Top Rope Challenge: Jack Swagger vs. Mark Henry.  Henry press slams Swagger out of the ring to win it in 30 seconds.

Jon Heder arrives in a limo with the Bella Twins.  He’s got some surprise with him apparently.  He comes off like a total idiot.

Justin Roberts introduces the guest hosts, Don Johnson and Don Heder.  They come out with the Bella Twins.  Johnson plays straight man to Heder’s total idiot.  Johnson says the main event will involve DX.  Heder introduces his close friend, the United States Champion, The Miz.  Miz is in the Royal Rumble.  He tells Heder that Triple H wanted Johnson to host alone.  They make a bunch of old references and stupid jokes.  Miz insults the fans and MVP.  MVP comes out, puts over Don Johnson, bashes Heder and Miz, and says he’s in the Royal Rumble, and will throw The Miz out.  Then he heads to the ring to throw out Miz and Heder.  The Big Show comes out and KO punches MVP.  He’s friends with Heder too.  Heder’s such a dork.  He makes DX vs. Big Show & Miz as tonight’s main event.  Big Show holds Heder up in his arms.  Retarded.

Cena & Kingston take on Legacy, NEXT!

John Cena & Kofi Kingston vs. Legacy.  Cena and Rhodes lock up.  Rhodes tags in Dibiase.  Cena and Dibiase go at it.  Kofi tags in and he’s FIRED UP!  He hits the Boom Drop on Dibiase.  Dibiase avoids the Trouble In Paradise.  Kingston punches Dibiase in the corner.  Rhodes cheap shots Kingston, then tags in.  Commercials!  Legacy gets the heat on Kingston.  Cena gets the hot tag and makes the usual comeback on Rhodes.  Rhodes avoids the Attitude Adjustment and hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Cena hits the Attitude Adjustment and covers, but Dibiase makes the save.  Kofi makes the tag and hits a diving cross body on Rhodes for the pin in 10:56.  It was fine.

Heder, Miz, and Show talk backstage.  Hornswoggle interrupts and rants in Leprechaun talk.  Triple H tells Heder that Hornswoggle, like the rest of the world, doesn’t like him.  Triple H says Hornswoggle challenges Heder to a match.  The main event is now DX & Hornswoggle vs. Show, Miz, & Heder.  Heder continues to be a dork.

WWE Rewind: The Divas Title tournament.

Maryse & Alicia Fox vs. Gail Kim & Eve Torres.  Maryse and Gail start, and that’s as good as this match is going to get.  Alicia pulls Gail’s hair from the apron, beats her up on the floor, and throws her back in to Maryse.  Alicia tags in and hits a tilt a while backbreaker for 2.  Gail avoids the scissors kick and tags in Eve.  Eve is smoking hot and has a decent exchange with Alicia.  Alicia does an avalanche-style cross armbreaker(!) and forces Eve to submit in 2:49.  Surprisingly decent.

They show a video for Stone Cold Steve Austin guest starring in “Chuck.”

Tonight, DX & Hornswoggle vs. Show, Miz, & Heder!

Don Johnson hits on Kelly Kelly.  Heder is scared.  He asks Johnson to take his place.  Johnson says no.  Miz and Show tell Heder he’ll be fine.  Johnson tells Heder this is a mistake.  He mentions stunt men, which I think will come in to play later.  They give in a very WOOOOish robe with “The Flame” written on the back.

Lawler and Cole hype the Royal Rumble.

Vince McMahon complains to Triple H about what Undertaker said earlier.  Triple H says Vince either has to bring Bret Hart back or be known as a coward.  Vince leaves.  Shawn comes in and asks Hunter what he wanted to tell him earlier.  Hornswoggle comes in.  Triple H says they’ll talk about it later.

Randy Orton will be in action NEXT!

Randy Orton vs. Chris Masters (w/ Eve Torres).  Sheamus comes out to watch.  I missed the first minute of the match.  Orton goes for the RKO, but Masters catches him and locks in the Master Lock.  Orton manages to get a rope break, then hits the RKO for the pin in 2:42.  Sheamus runs in and drops Orton with the bicycle kick.

The main event is NEXT!

The guys from Psych guest host next week!

The Big Show, WWE United States Champion The Miz, & Jon “The Flame” Heder vs. Unified WWE Tag Team Champions DX & Hornswoggle (w/ Don Johnson).  Entrances, the commercials, so the match is JIP.  Shawn hits the flying forearm on Miz and nips up.  Miz beats up Shawn a bit, then tags in Show, who also beats up Shawn.  Miz tags in.  Shawn chops him a bunch.  They do a double clothesline spot.  Hornswoggle tags himself in and kicks Miz.  Miz drops him, then tags in Heder, who takes off his robe to reveal that he’s wearing wrestling trunks.  Heder kicks Hornswoggle.  Hornswoggle side steps Heder in the corner and bites his ass.  Tag to Triple H.  Heder bails, but gets thrown back in.  Hunter decks him.  Show goozles Hunter.  Shawn superkicks Show, who falls on top of Heder.  Michaels superkicks Miz off of the apron.  Tag to Hornswoggle, who hits the tadpole splash on Show and Heder.  Hornswoggle pins Heder for the victory (about 5 minutes shown).

Still in the ring, Hunter tells Shawn they need to talk.  He tells Shawn to find another way, because going for the title isn’t going to work.  John Cena comes out.  He says he’s in the Royal Rumble and he’s winning it.  Big Show wobbles back into the ring and says he’ll win the Royal Rumble, then attacks DX.  Cena sends Show out of the ring.  DX throws Cena out of the ring.  Triple H throws Shawn out of the ring and says he’s going to win the Royal Rumble.

End of a fairly decent Raw.

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Friday Night Smackdown! 1/15/10

Posted by Chui in Jan 18, 2010, under WWE

WWE open, highlights of last week’s main event, Smackdown open, pyro and ballyhoo.  Todd Grisham and Matt Striker welcome us TAPED to Green Bay, Wisconsin!  Tonight, Batista will take on Rey Mysterio in a Steel Cage to determine the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Title!  Also, tonight, The Undertaker will TALK!

Chris Jericho comes out.  He’s sporting a big bruise from Mike Tyson’s punch Monday night on Raw.  He talks a while, says he’s not done, he’s the best, he’ll win the Royal Rumble, win the World Title at WrestleMania, etc. etc.

Chris Jericho vs. John Morrison.  Jericho shoves Morrison.  Morrison slaps his bruise, then clotheslines him out of the ring.  Morrison goes to the top rope.  The Intercontinental Champion, Drew McIntyre, comes out.  Insta-commercial.  Morrison drops Jericho with a clothesline and puts the boots to him.  McIntyre is sitting ringside, watching the match.  Morrison hits a side Russian leg sweep for 2.  Morrison goes for the Flying Chuck, but Jericho pushes him off and out of the ring.  Jericho with something of a springboard splash for 2, then grounds Morrison with a half nelson.  Morrison comes back and knees Jericho in the face for 2.  Jericho hits the running bulldog.  Morrison avoids the Lionsault and hits the Flying Chuck for 2.  Jericho goes for the Walls of Jericho, but Morrison counters.  Jericho avoids the Starship Pain and goes for the Walls again.  Morrison turns it into a cradle for 2.  Jericho counters a Moonlight Drive attempt into the Walls of Jericho.  McIntyre taunts Morrison with the Intercontinental Championship belt as Morrison suffers in the Walls.  Morrison crawls towards McIntyre and reaches the ropes.  Morrison stares at McIntyre some more and allows Jericho to hit the Codebreaker for the pin (7:25 shown).  Good match.  They had a couple last year that got great reviews that I still haven’t watched.  Shame on me.  McIntyre steps on Morrison’s face after the match.

The Steel Cage Match is still to come!  Another creepy CM Punk segment is NEXT!

Shot of a Vince Lombardi statue somewhere in Green Bay.  Strike says it looks more like Dusty Rhodes.

CM Punk comes out with Luke Gallows.  Last week, he talked for a while, convinced a “fan” to commit to straight edge, then shaved the “fan’s” head.  Same shit this week, the added bonus of Gallows’ testimonial.

Fatal Four-Way Match for a shot at the Unified WWE Tag Team Championship: CM Punk & Luke Gallows vs. Matt Hardy & Great Khali (w/ Ranjin Singh) vs. The Hart Dynasty (w/ Natalya) vs. Cryme Tyme.  DH Smith beats up Hardy to start.  Hardy hits a neckbreaker and tags in Khali.  Khali knocks Smith out of the ring and follows him out.  Natalya and Tyson Kidd guard him from Khali.  Insta-commercial.  Khali and Gallows go at it.  Khali hits the big chock.  JTG makes the blind tag and covers for 2.  Tag to Punk.  JTG gets the better of Punk.  JTG hits the facebuster out of the corner.  Kidd saves.  A bunch of people end up outside.  Matt Hardy dives onto the pile.  JTG and Punk go in the ring.  Blind tag to Gallows.  JTG tries to pin Punk.  Gallows hits a big boot and the 12 Step (choke bomb) for the pin (3:37 shown).  The guy whose head they shaved (Trevor) gets in the ring and celebrates with them.

Josh Matthews tries to interview Batista.  Batista has nothing to say about Rey Mysterio or The Undertaker.  He just plain doesn’t want to talk to Matthews.

The Undertaker is NEXT!

Hall of Fame plug.

The World Heavyweight Champion, The Undertaker, comes out and talks.  He says he’ll destroy whoever he faces at the Royal Rumble, and he’ll appear on Raw this Monday to answer Shawn Michaels’ challenge for WrestleMania.

The Steel Cage!  Tonight! plug.

Mickie James vs. Beth Phoenix.  Beth is pissed because Mickie kicked her last week, which was quid pro quo for Beth giving Mickie the Glam Slam 2 weeks ago.  Beth wails on Mickie, then cranks on a rear chin lock.  Beth gets a few 2 counts.  Mickie fights back.  She dropkicks Beth’s knee.  Beth hot shots Mickie into the ropes, slams her into the tree of woe, and beats on her.  The ref keeps telling her to break, but she doesn’t, so the ref DQ’s her at 3:04.  The Women’s Champion, Michelle McCool, and Layla run in.  Beth stares them down, leaves, and lets them give Mickie the sloppiest beat down ever.  Mickie fights back, but McCool takes her knee out.  McCool gives Mickie the Styles Clash.

Mysterio vs. Batista in a cage TONIGHT!

Raw hype.

Smack of the Night: The recent Dolph Ziggler/Kane battles.

Kane comes out for the match.  Matthews interviews Dolph Ziggler in the back.  He says he’ll beat Kane again tonight, then win the Royal Rumble.

Kane vs. Dolph Ziggler.  Striker geeks out over Ziggler’s recent sleeper hold use.  Kane’s pissed, so he beats up Ziggler.  Ziggler fights back and clamps the sleeper on again.  Kane sends Ziggler out of the ring, having finally learned his lesson.  Insta-commercial.  Ziggler beats on Kane.  Kane finally swats him away and goes for the chokeslam.  Ziggler grabs the ropes to prevent it, lands a blow, and runs into Kane’s big boot.  Kane hits a powerslam for 2.  Match goes on.  Ziggler dropkicks Kane off of the ring apron.  Ziggler clamps the sleeper hold on outside the ring.  Kane rams him into the post a couple of times to break it.  Kane barely beats the count, rolls out and in, and goes for the diving clothesline off the top.  Ziggler avoids it and hits the Fameasser for 2.  Ziggler goes for the Zig Zag.  Kane tries to turn it into a sidewalk slam.  Ziggler counters it.  Kane hits the chokeslam for the pin (8:59 shown).  Another good match between these  two.

The Steel Cage is TONIGHT!  Tonight?  That’s TONIGHT!

Royal Rumble hype.

Striker and Grisham segway into the Cena doing stuff on Phoenix video from Raw.

Rey Mysterio ties his boots and puts his mask on.  He’s ready for action!  Maria, Jimmy Wang Yang, and Slam Master J wish him luck.  Matthews interviews him.  Mysterio says tonight, his dream will come true.

Tony Chimel introduces the main event.

Steel Cage Match to determine the #1 Contender for the World Heavyweight Championship: Rey Mysterio Jr. vs. Batista.  Mysterio immediately tries to escape.  Batista doesn’t let him.  Rey puts Batista into 619 position.  Batista tries to goad him into trying the 619 in the cage.  Rey scampers over Batista’s back and tries to escape again.  Batista tries to powerbomb him.  Mysterio avoids that, so Batista throws him into the cage.  Batista launches Mysterio into the cage again.  He tries it a third time, but Mysterio catches the fence and tries to escape again.  Batista stops him.  Rey kicks him away and hits the Bombs Away, then runs into Batista’s boot.  Mysterio keeps fighting.  The crowd gets super quiet for a moment for some reason.  Rey hits the springboard leg drop for 2.  Mysterio with an inside cradle for 2.  Mysterio tries his flippy bulldog, but Mysterio drops him face first.  Batista hits a spear, the a spinebuster, then does some push ups.  He shakes the ropes, stomps his feet, and signals for the Batista Bomb.  Mysterio tries to escape through the door.  Batista goes for the Batista Bomb, but Mysterio holds onto the cage.  Mysterio kicks Batista away and escapes over the top.  He kicks the cage door into Batista’s face and drops to the floor to win it at 7:13.

And that puts the cap on another pretty good Smackdown!

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